What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
