Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
