I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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