You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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