i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
