never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
foreskin is a definite game changer
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
