You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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