What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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