omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
