I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
