Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
