Sponge bath it is.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
