I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Randomize
