a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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