I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
