You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
my shit smells like andre
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
