Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
