you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
