Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
