whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
