she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
