I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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