Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
two words: eviction party
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
