He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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