I hate all girls vehemently.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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