i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
