Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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