Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
