Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
