there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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