Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize