# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
