Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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