Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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