She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I looked at my own cervix.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
