I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
