Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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