I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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