I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize