you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
