I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
