what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
