Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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