I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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