Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
