I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
