between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm đđ»đ
We are so blessed
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Youâre sleeping on my couch so youâre not making dick appointments tonight
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
