this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
