He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
