I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
