so explain again why im purple
no
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We need to rekindle our bromance
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize