I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize