just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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