Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
