the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Randomize
