I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
