You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
