end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
