I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
