A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Randomize
