Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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