keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
