Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
