I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
