i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
