Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
