Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize