I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
